Leopard Print Bikini

LEOPARD PRINT BIKINIWhen I was a kid my parents would take my sister and I to Disney World almost every year, it’s kind of like Mecca for suburban families. So many of my childhood developmental experiences are connected to the Sunshine State. Now for the record when this incident occurred I was 8 or 9 years old, and a bit on the small size, ok, ok I’ll admit it I was a runt.

So we were vacationing in Disney World and had gone back to hotel for an afternoon nap, and I wanted no part of it. After being in the room and bouncing off the walls driving my parents crazy, they decided I should go down to the pool and let off some steam. Now before any of you worrisome noodnicks chime in about irresponsible parenting lets go over the facts. First of all it was the 70’s and we were in Disney World the likelihood of some freak kidnapping me was pretty slim. You should also know that we had a swimming pool at my grandparents home and I was a pretty strong swimmer, now back to the story…

So I go down to the pool and there were no other kids around to play with, and it got pretty boring, pretty fast. I then decide I’m going to play shuffleboard. There I am this 4 foot tall, scrawny little kid, struggling with this big awkward shuffleboard stick trying unsuccessfully to push these discs down the shuffleboard court. Just next to the pool was a bar. Sitting in the bar were two couples, drinking, laughing and having a good time. Now in my mind I come to the conclusion they are laughing at me because I’m a complete spaz with the shuffleboard stick, so I start to get really self conscious about myself, then IT HAPPENS …

Out of nowhere this woman walks over. Now this is not just any woman mind you, she’s different, she’s beautiful. She’s tall … voluptuous … curvy … has REALLY long shapely legs … shoulder length blonde hair that is flowing in the gentle breeze … oh most importantly … she’s wearing a skimpy leopard print string bikini.

Now I had met attractive women before, but they were always connected somehow, family, friends, relatives, my Mom’s bowling teammates or some other relationship. This time it was different, this BEAUTIFUL WOMAN was coming over to see ME. What did she want, what was I going to do, I begin to panic. She came close, too close, stopped right in front of me, placed her hand on her hip, and in the absolute sweetest southern drawl said “Honey can I play with you?”

That was it, I was fried. I had achieved total stimulation overload. I had no idea what to do. Was she part of the group of adults at the bar who were laughing at me? My defense mechanisms kicked in. I gathered all the courage I could muster (gulp) swallowed hard … looked up at her …. handed her my shuffleboard stick …. and … AND I RAN AWAY! Now I don’t mean your ordinary every day kind of run mind you, I mean run like Forest Gump run, run like hungry lions are chasing you run, run like your life depends on it run. That was it, my fear of blonde women had taken root, and was now firmly entrenched in my psyche.

Now in retrospect almost 30 years later I realize my interpretation of this incident was way off base. The adults drinking and laughing in the bar probably never noticed me. The blonde woman was just trying to be nice, had no intentions other than playing shuffleboard, and didn’t want to cause deep emotional scars that prevented me from dating any girl who happened to blonde while I was in high school. The funny part is to this day if I meet an attractive blond woman who just happens to be taller than me, I have this flashback and relive this moment all over again.

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